My Celebrity Crush

I have a crush on a lovely young artist named Chris Piers. He enjoys drawing monsters, ladies, cocks and sometimes balls. He's quite strapping and dashing. I think he likes me too. I'm going to mail him my panties. Don't tell Herbert.

Complete Sentence

The museum has become quite tiresome.

We All Have Goals

On this day, I spent the greater portion (at least 82 percent) of my neuroligal (brainwave) synopses on brushing up my skill at the ancient art of swallowing. One thing I noticed is that it helps to chew first. Tomorrow I shall try swallowing the following:

Beef Tenderloin
A Staple
Seven Lbs of Unpeeled Raw Garlic
Half a Small Child (small being a relative term) (child being a relative term)
One Slice of Toast
Gravity

Seventeen Point Four Pounds of Frustration

I'm having a heck of a time figuring out this new-fangled time-telling system.

Spectacles

Numerous times now during the relentless itching of various crotches (not necessarily my own) it has come to my attention that we aren't the utmost of anatomical perfection, particularly in regard to the streamlined juxtapositions in the parallax between both super and anti malignancies. I've argued with many a schoolboy about whether this may be intercepted by means of strategic marsupial manifestations to come, and to this day, nary a man child has successfully rebutted. Dare I digress? We shall see.

Trapezoids

I like trapezoids as much as the next guy, but does anyone ever ask "just exactly how convoluted are we getting with today's entourage of excessive conundrums?"

I didn't think so.

If it's any consolation, I'm willing to be the first taker.